Obama, yo' mama!

Just want to give a shout out to my dude Obama. He be rockin' yo'. Like, he is gonna totally wipe the floor with that old biatch, Hill-dog. I be waiting fo' that fo' sure. You feel me peeps? If I was voting I would totally vote fo' my man Obama. 'Cept I'm not voting.

ya know...

i wonder dog. what up with all these folks. i mean, shiznit. they be going about their life in the most radical ways. suits and ties and briefcases for my homies. rocking the law and the banking. nuff said. it’s hard for a player to come on up from the hood (read: Newport Beach) and make something of himself. i got to get me some alize and jagger bombs man and make my sore head forget about all this hard work. yo. im spinning.

holla, hova!

Yo, check dis. Jay-Z be bringing it, showing it to the white man, large style. You go, bro.

NEW YORK (Billboard) -- Rapper Jay-Z came out on top of the post-Thanksgiving U.S. pop album charts Wednesday, tying the Rolling Stones for the third-most No. 1 hits.

your name is toby...

No it ain't, it is SHAMU, biatch. Stop calling me Toby or I'll do it again...

SAN DIEGO, California (CNN) -- A trainer at SeaWorld Adventure Park remained hospitalized Thursday after a killer whale grabbed him and twice held him underwater during a show, officials said.

wah hoo wah...

Well, I hear the Natives are getting up in arms at that bastion of Native American education, Dartmouth College.

Wright said that although he found The Review's depiction of Native Americans offensive, the administration will not take any action against the publication.

"I don't think it's the job of publications to write things that I approve of," he said.

Well, he got that last part right. Or should I say Wright? Don't worry, my Native friends. I feel your pain. You see, the White Dude has long been thought of as an oppressor of the precious minority. It is wrong, wrong for us to judge anyone based on superficial attributes. So what say we sit down and bond? Maybe over some whiskey?

my little snoopie!

oh shit, dog! i can't believe you got busted again. i feel for you snoop. why does the white man always try to keep you down? i mean really, it just ain't fair. i'm gonna make you a cake with a file in it bro and you be out drinking champagne-schizzle and smoking dope-nizzle in no time.

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Police arrested rapper Snoop Dogg on weapons and narcotics charges after his performance Tuesday on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

Burbank police Sgt. Kevin Grandalski said the charges include possession of a gun, cocaine and marijuana. He also is accused of having a false compartment in a vehicle. The weapons charge is a felony.

don't worry snoop. you'll be free again soon.

c'mon, homie

Rolling Stone was slinging this shit, holmes, about how all the Chicano rap groups in Dago (that's San Diego if you is a punk) like to swill beer and tequila. No shit. Next those crazy Rolling Stone fuckers is gonna tell me that dem Russian rappers is crazy for the vodka. Fuck, puta, I don't buy that caca you selling. For real.

an update fiddy...

yo' i have now fired a gun. that doubles my street cred, right biatch? sorry about you getting busted in your lambo, dude. if yo' azz had called me i would have capped those cops.

Yo, 50 Cent...

Yo, 50 Cent-

Fiddy, I know I am just a white boy, but I totally have got your back. You have had that beef with Ja' Rule for so darn long, and now you are beefing with Fat Joe and Jadakiss and, like shit, The Game got dumped from G-UNIT. So, who has your back? I do, that's who.

Sure, I am not exactly knowledgeable in the use of firearms. Actually, to be honest, I have never even fired a gun, let alone busted a cap in a deserving fool. But, I assure you, I am a quick study.

Let's face it, the preponderance of your fan base is white, like me. So with me up there, watching your back, just think of how you will connect with the kids on the streets. No, not out on the streets of Jamaica, Queens. I think you have that covered. More like the streets of Newport Beach, California. Coincidently, I was born there. And if your entourage makes a stop in the vicinity, I could give directions, as I know the streets fairly well.

No need to buy any extra bulletproof vests, either. I have been hitting the gym rather often and am confident I could fit in one of your spares. That's right, 50, I am totally ripped now. If we go in 'da club and the stripping off of tshirts is required, I will not disappoint. Of course, with my pale skin a little baby oil or such will be needed to highlight my new found definition. Bet I could even score you some shorties, given the opportunity.

Please be aware that I have graduated from college and thus am entitled by dint of my education and experience to a higher base salary than many of, um, your associates. But it is an investment well made and will likely reap the benefits of improved safety, a new found level of comfort with your white fan base and of course, more white honeys. And isn't that why you wanted to be famous in the first place?

Word,

Craig Fairwether